I feel like my brain rarely has time to think anything deeper than, "I should switch that laundry over to the dryer that is now, probably definitely soured already" or "why is there a random plastic cup, filled with water and a spongebob toy sitting right in the middle of our front porch" or "seriously, what are we having for dinner tonight?" (for real, am I the only one that hates the thought of dinner?!?!?). Those are my deep thoughts lately, aren't they intriguing?
Today, however, it's raining, my baby and my big boy are sleeping, and I actually made the time to read out of Proverbs this morning because goodness knows I can always use some reputable, concrete wisdom and I have really been trying to make a better effort to spend some time with God everyday...He only created me and gave me everything I have, after all. The sad part of that sentence is that I have to TRY to spend time with Him, something that in a perfect world should just come naturally, like brushing my teeth. But alas, I am human, and I struggle with many things, this being one of them. Thankfully, God is much more forgiving and gracious than any of his created "being" opposites. All of that to say, my brain is actually working a little more effectively than usual today, so I am going to take advantage of it and blog.
I was telling Seth on Sunday that I just can't stop being so emotional about my babies growing up. The beginning of August really hit me like a ton of bricks. Somehow the summer is flying by. I remember all 9 pregnancy months, being anxious for Spring, for the birth of my little baby. Now spring has come and gone and summer has come and almost gone and I am getting excited about fall and football and pumpkins and halloween, but I can't shake the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that each day, my babies are getting bigger!
Lorelei is jibber jabbering and moving up a size in diapers and laughing. Caleb has grown almost an inch since May and he has started using big words like "actually" and "supposed to". I even looked into putting him in 3 year old preschool because, unlike when I was little and all we did was kindergarten, now days 4 year old preschool is apparently sooo last year. Now it's 3 year old preschool, as in an actual curriculum. Pretty soon they will be handing us color flashcards in the delivery room. Of course, all the "good" preschools are already full and have been since May. I had one girl sarcastically tell me, "We have a 26 person waiting list if you really want to be put on it." Pretty positive that would just be as a courtesy seeing as I'm not sure how they can weed out a 26 person waiting list to get to my child, and quite honestly, I can't believe the top preschool in town has someone so rude who answers their phone.
I sent Seth a half joking text telling him I'm afraid our son will be very far behind all the other kids since he won't be able to go to 3 year old preschool...and as expected, he didn't respond because he really doesn't get his boxer briefs in a wad over that stuff.
Luckily, Caleb is a great learner. He knows his colors, how to count to 11 (and sometimes higher when he isn't thinking about it too hard!), all the shapes including "semi-circle" and "hexagon", and the first 5 presidents. Call me a crazy fool, but I feel like that's pretty ding dang dong good for 3 years old. Yes, I would love the break two days a week BUT then I remember that all too soon, my only option will be to send him to a 5 day a week school (because I am not homeschooling mom material!), so I will enjoy my time with my babies before my time is gone.
That being said, I'm hoping to find something fun for him to do because he really does love being around kids. Last year we were a part of a great Bible study that had a program for the kids, but alas, that too is full! Everything fills up around this town.
So now I am thinking gymnastics class might be fun, or karate if I can find one for his age group.
We will figure it out.
Please someone tell me I'm not the only one who isn't sending my 3 year old to preschool...please?
It's something about this weather that just has my head spinning. I'm an emotional mess in my head and that's probably due to post pregnancy hormones.
Lorelei will be 4 months tomorrow and I already can't wait for the next baby. Don't tell Seth, he'd literally have a cow.
I definitely am not having another baby again for a while, but if I had my way, I'd have 6!!!
Then, I started thinking about the 2 babies I get to meet in heaven one day. I wonder if they are boy's or girl's?
Then I started thinking about how cute Caleb was when he was Lorelei's age and how we made the very best of the 9 months we had together, just the two of us, while Seth was deployed.
I keep thinking about when I was pregnant with Caleb. I think because the last time the Olympics were on, I was pregnant and sick as all get out with him. I laid in bed all day, watching the Olympics and 4 year later, all those emotions come running back as I sit here with my 3 year old Caleb and newborn watching the Olympics! How crazy to think of everything that happens in a 4 year time span.
I'm just trying to figure out where time is going.
The older I get and the more kids I have, time just seems like it goes faster and faster.
I read about 2 young boys who were hit by cars this week. One is still in critical condition and the other didn't make it.
Then I think about my friend in Georgia who has a little boy Caleb's age that has to have chemo treatments on a regular basis.
Bad things that happen in our lives here on this earth are blessings and struggles.
Seth and I have started texting or telling each other 2 things we are thankful for each day. It really has put our lives in perspective and made us appreciate the smallest things around us that we wouldn't normally take note of...like our health and the fact that God has watched over our families and kept us safe and He has always provided way more than what we need.
Today, I'm thankful for sweet babies...all of them. I'm thankful for good parents who take care of their children and for sweet souls who fill in the gaps for other children who have parents who have abandoned them.
I'm thankful for laughter too. I can't think of anything that makes me happier than hearing Caleb and Lorelei laugh. You know that deep belly, eyes closed kind of laugh.
Today, Caleb and I played "Memory" while Lorelei napped. There's one card that is a picture of a green bunny which Caleb so giggly named "Bunny Poop". He thinks the word "poop" in any form is hilarious. But apparently what's more funny than him saying "Bunny Poop" is me saying "Bunny Poop". He heard me say it and the kid rolled over on the bed laughing so hard. That totally made my day, even though we were using the forbidden potty words. I've never been a great rule follower ;-)
Then I started thinking about spontaneity and some thoughts popped into my head.
Life's too short to worry about all the little details. (Luckily, being detail oriented is not my strong point!)
Be spontaneous. Throw away the planner sometimes. Do something that goes against your typical behavior. Put more time into your family, relationships with those around you that actually care instead of ones who just want something out of you, reaching out to people who need you.
Some things I need to remember:
There won't be a trailer hitched to the back of my hearse.
At the end of my life, money and things won't matter, even though the Tory Burch shoes and Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dresses are very appealing.
There is really no better day than today to just do it or change it or quit it or start it or fix it or be it!
Stop being selfish. Life isn't all about me. Look for ways to serve those around me. Take the time to stop at the nursing home down the street and love on all those sweet people who could just eat my babies up!
Kiss my husband more, love on my kids, hide the phone and the computer and soak every moment in with them while I can.
Time passes too quickly to worry about all the things that really don't matter and I love Jesus way too much to waste this time He is giving me here on earth.
And that's it folks.
There was all the deep thinking I could muster.
Now my brain hurts...I guess I should go do something mindless for a while to re-coop and that would not include playing memory with my 3 year old because, quite frankly, he's awesome at remembering and I stink ;)